Bittersweet Walls: My Life Inside a Nigerian Boarding School

Unsplash [Photo by Heather Suggitt]

During my early teenage years, I spent five years at a boarding school in Ondo State, located in Southwestern Nigeria. When my father told me I would no longer be attending Aunty Ayo Preparatory School, a private secondary school in Ikoyi, Lagos, I felt both angry and helpless. In the 80s, Nigerian parents didn't consider a child's opinion, at least that was my experience and that of people I knew then. They would say, "What do you know about life, you little girl?" We are the ones that knows what's best for you." My father explained that he wanted me to become more acquainted with my home state, Ondo, when I eventually asked him why he changed my school but I knew that wasn't the reason. He was worried about me going to a coed school and having close friends of the opposite sex. I found out later that was his concern.

As a result, I was compelled to leave the comfort of my home, my neighborhood friends, and schoolmates to move to this unfamiliar region, marked by elevated terrain resembling hills and natural rock formations, as well as abundant greenery. This contrasts with the flat, low-lying landscape of my previous location, which was conveniently located near major business and commercial centers. Just so you know, boarding schools are quite common in parts of Africa, the United Kingdom, and parts of Asia, in case you were curious about them.

Before I proceed, let me tell you a bit about my background.

Crossing Cultures: My Coming-of-Age Story from the DMV to Nigerian Dorm Life

I am a Nigerian American, born to Nigerian parents in the DMV area, which encompasses the District of Columbia, Maryland, and Virginia. In the 70s, my family, including my younger brother and me, moved to Nigeria. Before meeting in DC, marrying, and graduating from university, my parents had lived in the US for years. A few years later, they decided to return to their homeland.

I returned back to the U.S. a year after completing high school and have lived here ever since. Most of my secondary education was at a girls' boarding school run by the Federal Government. This school was part of a network of Federal Government colleges aimed at uniting students from diverse ethnic and religious backgrounds, fostering a national identity. These colleges were known for their high academic standards and attracted some of the best teachers of the era, providing students with a strong educational foundation. At my school, I recall there were children of politicians, high society figures, and many from middle-class families.

As previously noted, I had attended a private school in Lagos. After only a year, my father, with my mother's hesitant consent, moved me to a new school three hours away. The journey there was one of the most unpleasant trips I've ever had. My parents were aware of my unhappiness, but the feelings of a 12-year-old didn't matter at that time. When we arrived, it felt like I was in a foreign place and had no input on this life-altering decision, at least that was how I felt back then ( life as I knew changed overnight).

In this girls' boarding school, I matured quickly. When I share stories with my children about my boarding school days, I often liken it to my husband's experience in boot camp. However, instead of lasting 10 weeks, it spanned 5 years, with the drill sergeants being the senior girls (the student leaders typically a couple of years more older) and the teachers acting as their commanders.

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The Joy Between the Struggles: Moments That Made It Worthwhile

Attending church on Sundays is a cornerstone of my routine, serving as both a spiritual sanctuary and a social hub where community members gather for support and shared faith. Family visit days strengthen community bonds, offering opportunities for families to gather, share meals, and engage in activities that promote understanding and joy. These gatherings reinforce our shared journeys and the support we offer each other.

Shopping at the local supermarket, Tuck Shop, was fun and it opened up on certain days of the week which all students who had money to buy things looked forward to.

Social nights offer a respite from daily life, featuring themed activities like games and dancing. These events provide relaxation and connection, deepening friendships and creating lasting memories. One of the most joyful aspects of experiencing life in boarding school was forming long-lasting relationships.

Enduring the Harsh Realities: Discipline, Deprivation, and Distance

Some of the most painful memories were the punishments from the older girls, the house leaders, as we were all assigned to different houses in the school where the dormitories were. However, the most severe punishment came from the principal at that time. One of my worst experiences with her was when she punished my entire class one evening while we were studying, for what she claimed was unruly behavior. She unexpectedly appeared, as she often did, to catch students misbehaving and ordered all of us to her house in the staff quarters. We knelt on rocks from about 8:30 PM until 5 AM the next morning in front of her house, as teenagers, not caring whether there were snakes out there in the dark. It's a memory I can never forget.

Other memories include occasionally missing meals because there wasn't enough food for everyone. If you didn't have snacks in your dorm room or a friend or roommate to share their food with you, you would literally go to bed hungry. There were also issues with dirty bathrooms, being punished for being late to morning assembly, and sometimes not having enough water for bathing. Naturally, I also felt homesick and missed my family. I only saw my parents and siblings during holidays and on visiting days when they occasionally came by. Often, my dad would send one of his staff to bring me what I needed.

From Discipline to Discovery: The Lifelong Lessons of Boarding School

Despite the negative experiences and emotional trauma I endured, there's a saying: "What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." This phrase encapsulates the essence of my journey and the lessons I learned while attending a girls' boarding school, an environment that was both challenging and transformative. During my time at this girls' boarding school, I developed resilience, independence, invaluable life skills, time management, conflict resolution, organization, character development, work ethic, and discipline. These attributes have profoundly influenced my life and I will always appreciate the time I spent there, as it shaped me into the resilient, independent, and capable individual I am today.

You might wonder, after all I’ve shared, whether I’d ever consider sending my own children to boarding school. The honest answer? Maybe. Though my experience was filled with painful lessons and bittersweet memories, times have changed. Today, there's greater awareness around child protection, and schools are increasingly held accountable to standards that prioritize emotional well-being and student voice. Modern boarding environments strive to feel less like institutions and more like supportive communities, addressing loneliness and creating space for personal growth. Given these shifts, I wouldn’t dismiss the possibility—whether in Nigeria or even at a boarding school here in the US for my teenage son. Ultimately, my decision would be rooted in discernment, prayer, and the hope that any school my child enters will offer not just structure and education, but dignity, safety, and the opportunity to flourish

Thanks for reading!